bridalgownwings | RP ➥ c o n t i n u e d

[Hanging up the device he threw it onto the nearest surface and made the distinct choice to ignore it for the rest of the day as he looked out into the empty apartment. Moving into the space once everything was cleared and once the two adults had vacated the premise with everything needed, he silently moved in away from sight and closed the door behind him. The apartment, it was empty and lonely and it brought back memories he was not sure he was ready to experience yet, was not sure he needed to be reminded of them and for it only being a day or so after his arrival back in facility; he just felt it was not time for him to be back here.

Yet here Timothy stood and here he stood for awhile before moving throughout the apartment to sort through what was left. Boxes here and there of old items, some of the clothes that were his that had been left behind--some of his things. Those things; when he found them he shoved them to the side and moved away from it all, moving into the empty living space and pulling up a singular chair to situate in the middle as the couch was now gone.

One chair, one person--it suited the situation well enough.]

[Bucky had meant they would talk about this at his and Tom's place, but after waiting there for about ten minutes, he sighs heads across the hall, stepping into Timothy's old place without bothering to knock. Sure enough, there he is.]

Thought you were going to come back across the hall. I told you there was no rush.

[Timothy wasn't about to worry about it that way, he didn't think that it was that important at the moment and well, he wasn't really thinking so he had just gone. Might as well get used to it, might as well learn to live with it and it was better to immerse then to ignore. So when Bucky came into the room he looked over his shoulder at the moment and replied quietly.] Sorry.

Got caught up taking it all in. [His reply was honest enough--there were lots of memories in this space though it didn't look like the home it had been.]

Just--lost track of time.

...It's alright. [He sighs, comes over to sit near him, running a hand through his hair.] I fucked up, kiddo. I'm sorry for that. I should've asked if you even wanted this place back.

[He continues to look out the window for the moment, feeling the weight of the other sit nearby. His eyes are glossy but he's quiet for a moment before he turns to look back at Bucky, his gaze settled for a moment.] It's fine.

You didn't know, you figure it was for the best and I'm sure it will be, eventually.

No, it's not fine, and maybe it won't be. And that's okay. You don't have to stay here. The couch is yours as long as you want it.

Your family's here. You're never alone.

I feel alone though, right now. [Came his reply quickly, leaning back on his chair, his eyes casting out into the rest of the room.]

This place used to have light to it, and now it's just grim--it's dark. A couch is just temporary, I would eventually get in the way and you know that. It's just, what it is. I have to learn how to be in this place, or another place. It doesn't matter. I have to learn that it will never be the same.

End of story.

You're not. You never are.

[He exhales, scrubbing the flesh palm over his eyes.] And you know if I had another bedroom, I'd offer you that. I would. [But he can't kick Eli and Tom out, not when they've made it their home too.] Maybe things never will be the same. But they don't have to be miserable.

I know you would. [He replies quickly. Timothy doesn't need to be reminded that he's being a spoiled brat right now and fairly melodramatic about the entire situation but he's having a pretty severe time with the issues of coming back as well as things not being in the order they where went he left.]

I just--I don't understand how it's so easy to die and come back, repeat the cycle and then one day you just don't. It doesn't make sense, why can't everyone live forever if they're going to tease us all with the thought of immortality.

I'm really not the person to ask there, kiddo. [He sighs.] Immortality probably blows, that's why. Believe me, I know it's a rough cycle, but you just keep looking at the worst parts? That's all you're gonna notice. And if you want to re-integrate, you can't do that.

I do know it's hard, though. I came very close to killing myself over it back home once.

[The other is right and mirroring his sigh, Timothy leans back in the chair he sits in, balancing the two legs on the ground as he puts his feet up on a box, hands shoved in his pockets.] I'm just rambling.

[He admits quietly, trying to quell the urge to continue to do so because no, Bucky doesn't have the answers to that and Timothy's stupid to burden him with that kind of questioning.] But you didn't and you're right, feeling like this won't help I just--I don't know, like I'm still scrambling to sort out my own memories about this place. Like my brain's been scrambled and now I have to put back the pieces.

Like a stupidly huge puzzle and I really hate puzzles.

You know? I didn't fully re-integrate until I had people around me who cared. I was still a shadow until them.

I know it's rough, but you've got people who are here to help and listen and be whatever you need. It'll get easier.

You told me about it once. [His reply was quiet as he rocks back a little more in the chair before looking all four legs touch the ground once again with a thump, his feet firmly on the floor. He listens though and things to himself, he needs to be himself again, he needs to get out of this dark frame of mind but it's been so hard since he came home, he feels so bipolar and the whole apartment thing well, it childishly set him off so now? He was pouting.]

I know--I just feel displaced. I know you're here for me; Kate, Tommy, Carol, Roxas, Tom, they're all here for me as well. It's one of those stupid; oh I'm a burden unto society, moments I guess.

Woe is me, that game.

I know. Just let it run its course. And don't push us away while you're sorting things out.

[He pauses and exhales, looking out the window of the apartment.] Alright.

I won't.

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